User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Not Long Enough
Remember "Dead Bart"? Remember how much it sucked? I sure do. But apparently someone else doesn't, because they made a sequel/spin-off of it called "Not Long Enough." The writer, who felt that "The Simpsons" wasn't the only show by Matt Groening that needed a crappy lost episode story, made one about "Futurama." So, let's wonder what we did to deserve this and Riff this bitch. Until recently, it was thought that Matt Groening had completely recovered from whatever was making him act so strangely during the Dead Bart incident and that it had affected his normal life afterward. '(Narrator): However, the fact that Matt Groening is now running around naked chanting that he’s the Pumpkin Queen makes it clear that he hasn’t fully recovered. Recent claims from the employee who found the Dead Bart video, however, indicate that Matt Groening went through another, similar, incident ten years ago. It was the summer of 1999 and Futurama had recently premiered. Matt was working on two shows now and had started showing signs of stress, when he announced that he was working on another episode that would be 100% of his own writing. This terrified some of the staff who worked on both shows, (Narrator):…since Matt has shown that he can’t write for shit. but they were hesitant to bring up Dead Bart and the Futurama crew saw no reason to reject Matt's idea. An early version of it was made and the employee who found Dead Bart managed to make a digital copy of this as well. The episode was called "Not Long Enough." I’m pretty sure that however long this is would be long enough. The episode started with Fry, Leela, and Bender making a delivery for Planet Express. They never revealed exactly what they were delivering or where they were going, and everyone seemed to be upset about an unexplained event that had happened recently. In case you’re wondering, Fry farted on the ship. Leela and Bender were angry at Fry, who kept apologizing but was coldly rejected by his friends. They eventually reached a planet that seemed to have only one house surrounded by empty, desolate fields on all sides. They knocked the door (Narrator): …and door opened. and a grotesque alien that seemed to be very old answered. He took the box without a word. He opened it, took a knife out of it, and stabbed himself. Oh, look, it’s how I felt after reading “Dead Bart.” The Planet Express crew didn't seem to find this odd or surprising; they simply left the body on the ground and walked back to their ship in silence. The next scene was of the Planet Express ship flying through space. A dissonant piece of music made of extremely loud instruments playing a very slow tune played in the background while the ship flew through an empty, black space. They finally reached Earth and landed in a deserted New New York. Fry started apologizing again as they walked through the empty streets (there was no sign of the Planet Express building), but Leela and Bender glared at him in silence. (Fry): Sorry, guys! I know I shouldn’t have destroyed all life on earth, but it seemed like so much fun at the time! Fry gave up and separated from his friends. He walked for quite a while, never encountering a single person. He reached the cryogenics building where he had been frozen, looked inside, and began to cry. The crying went on for a few minutes before he entered the building. Fry went to one of the tubes, set the timer on it to a huge number with more zeroes than I could count, So a number less than ten? and locked himself in. The screen faded out and when it came back in the view was entirely on Fry. The machine must have partially stopped working, as parts of Fry were decaying; bone was poking through his skin in several places. Fry mumbled, "It's what I deserve," and climbed out of the freezing device. (Narrator): Unfortunately, his legs had completely decayed, and he fell on his face and died. The end. He was in a surreal, indescribable place. There were a huge variety of shapes and colors, but it wasn't bright or fanciful. It was closer to the faint colors you see if you close your eyes too hard. Fry started walking, the surreal void he was in seeming to go on and on. He kept walking for a few minutes. Walking! Ahhhh! So scary! The colors kept making shapes you could kind of make out, but none of them were pleasant. After his long walk, Fry found a picture on the ground. It was completely out of place in his new environment; it looked like something drawn in the normal Futurama style. It was a photo of himself, Leela, and Bender. Fry looked at it for a few seconds before beginning to cry again. The picture soon turn to dust and Fry continued walking. Don’t you just hate it when pictures turn to dust? It’s very annoying. The view zoomed out until Fry couldn't be seen until the colors all blended together and turned to solid black. The view continued to zoom out and we see that the black was a tiny fragment of the pupil in Fry's eye. His frozen body had fallen out of the freezing unit and was lying in an abandoned room. He was drawn in the same hyper-realistic style as Bart's corpse (from the Simpsons episode, "Dead Bart"). Any chance I might have liked this story just died right there with the word “hyper-realistic.” By the way, if it’s the picture of Bart’s corpse from “A Dead Bart Update”, THAT’S NOT HYPER-REALISTIC. OR PHOTO-REALISTIC. OR REALISTIC AT ALL. And if it’s the picture from “Dead Bart”, the same applies. So fuck you, writer. '' Bender and Leela walked into the room. They saw what Fry had done to himself and Leela said, "He got what he deserved." She checked her watch and said, "Looks like we need to leave for our next delivery." She took a knife out of her pocket, put it in a plain cardboard box, and headed to the ship. ''Planet Express: Deliverers of Suicide. END RIFF This story really didn't try to do anything rather original. It's got a whole lot of clichés, especially my least favorite, "hyper-realistic." That being said, it was mercifully short, and not the worst thing in the world. It's just some crappy little spin-off of "Dead Bart" that's less famous. I don't think it's as bad as "Dead Bart", but it's still not very good. So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish I'd put myself in a broken cryogenic chamber then fall out and die? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Category:Blog posts